Monday in a Rose Garden, flanked by a giant Bluth family-style banner that declared both that “AMERICA LEADS THE WORLD IN TESTING” and that nobody in the Trump administration knows anybody who is good at graphic design, President Trump took questions from the press on the ongoing disaster that has been his administration’s response to the global COVID-19 pandemic. CBS’s Weijia Jiang, referencing the banner, asked, “Why does that matter? Why is this a global competition to you if every day Americans are still losing their lives and we’re still seeing more cases every day?”
The hamsters in the president’s brain huffed and puffed as they raced to their wheels and fired up his Comeback Generator. All of the blood rushed to his head at the same time. This was going to be a good one, as deep within the exhaust-folds of his face, the president’s beady little eyes lit up. “Why don’t you ask China?” he snapped.
The jerk store called, and they’re all out of you!